Friday, May 7, 2010

Blonde Jokes - Sorry :)

One of the other bus drivers in the School Division quite often sends us funny or weird emails. Just got this one yesterday and thought I'd share it with you. I have a blond son - totally understand :)


DISNEYLAND

Two blondes were going to Disneyland . They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying and turned around and went home.


FLORIDA OR MOON

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?' The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?'


CAR TROUBLE

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, 'What's the story?' He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'


SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'


RIVER WALK


There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'


AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor.. 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.'


KNITTING


A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'


BLONDE ON THE SUN

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!' The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. 'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'


IN A VACUUM

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night... It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'!

8 comments:

  1. Those were hysterical! Thanks for sharing. Have a great weekend!

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  2. ROFL, those are too funny. My boss loves blond jokes I'll have to make a copy of these and take them in to him

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  3. OH HOW FUNNY! I like the one about the fake redhead in the doctor's office best!

    What a hoot!

    Thought I'd drop in and show some blog love!
    -Christina

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  4. omg, that Florida or the moon one! LOL

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  5. The Disneyland one is my favorite. As a former blond (as a kid) I always say it gives me license to tell blond jokes! Here's my favorite one...

    A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

    "Sure," he replies. "What's the problem?"

    "Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can't even find the edge pieces."

    "Look on the box," he said. "There's always a picture of what the puzzle is."

    "It's a tiger," she said.

    The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the Frosted Flakes back in the box."

    Oh and, P.S. I got my cream perfume and it smells wonderful! Thanks so much for hosting the giveaway!!

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  6. Ha ha, those were great, and I'd never even heard any of them before!!

    Here's one I'll share:
    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead escaped from prison. They noticed the police chasing them, and ran into an old barn to hide. Without much time, they noticed a stack of burlap bags and each climbed into one.

    The police entered and kicked the bag with the brunette in it. "Yip, yip!" she called out. "Oh," said the police. "There's just puppies in here."

    They kicked the bag with the redhead in it. "Mew, mew!" she said. "Oh," said the police. "There's only kittens in here."

    Finally, they got to the bag where the blonde was hiding and gave it a kick. Thinking fast, the blonde called out, "po... ta... toes..."

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  7. I am blond and I love blonde jokes! Watch dogs...funny...all of them hilarious!

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  8. Oh I feel blonde now....(I am a true blonde but not a dumb one by a long shot)....
    I was sharing these jokes with my family and by the time I opened up the comment box I see the word verification word and since I was distracted I typed it into the comment box before I realized what I was doing.

    Anyway just wanted to say..
    Very funny. Thanks for the laughs.

    =^..^=

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